Chasing Happiness
Thank you to Luther for preparing this weeks reading
(Luther’s thoughts)
Recently I’ve been anxious about life. Yes I’ve achieved a lot, but it’s not enough. I want a house, a partner, and a stable career. Once I finally have those things, then I will be happy. Although I’m working hard on my goals I’ve realized that my thinking is flawed. I’m so focused on what I don’t have and how I think I should feel.
(Laura’s thoughts)
I hit my deepest low when I checked off all the boxes I thought would make me happy. I had a good job, a condo, truck, motorcycle, cat, boyfriend… but it still wasn’t enough. I was searching for happiness externally and through validation. When I started looking within myself everything changed. I still have shit days but at least I’m not chasing a carrot at the end of a stick anymore.
Reading:
Pattakos, Alex: “Stop Chasing Happiness, Look for Meaning Instead.”
Travers, Mark: “If You Want to Be Happy, Don’t Chase Happiness.”
There has been a lot of research on the chase for happiness. A study cited in Psychology Today article by Mark Travers found that the people induced to value happiness were less happy than those in the control group…This can be explained by an over-attentiveness to our own feelings of happiness which can causes us to focus on life’s “what-ifs” and “why-nots” to a counterproductive degree.
The study also focused on two different approaches people take when valuing happiness:
1. Aspiring to happiness. People who take this approach view happiness as a very important goal. The study suggests that this tendency is relatively harmless.
2. Concern about happiness. People who take this approach tend to judge whether they are happy enough. It is this tendency, according to Zerwas, that gets in the way of attaining happiness by introducing negative feelings into the pursuit of happiness.
The article mentions two elements to happiness that can “make or break” it.
1. The strategies that an individual uses to pursue happiness matter. For example, prioritizing activities that bring positivity to one’s daily life is an evidence-based strategy to increase one’s happiness. If people are able to recruit useful strategies to reach their goal of feeling happy, then the pursuit is much more likely to be successful.
2. The extent to which an individual feels badly about their emotions while pursuing happiness matters. Typically, feeling bad about something can help motivate us to pursue our goals more successfully. For example, after getting a poor performance review, feeling bad can help motivate us to perform better in the future. The same is not true when our goal is to feel happy; feeling bad about our emotions while pursuing happiness is counterproductive to the goal of feeling happy and makes attaining happiness less likely.
“Happiness is an emotion that is linked to pleasure but it can be fleeting; it doesn’t last.
We can share a happy moment when we are enjoying a good meal or a good laugh with a friend, but this emotion only lasts a short time. Sooner or later, we must face and respond to the challenges life throws at us. We must be ready to take on the fullness of life — the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, the pleasures as well as the suffering”
(Pattakos).
So, what can we do about this?
“Overall, allowing oneself to experience one’s emotions, whatever they may be, with an accepting attitude could be a useful tool for pursuing happiness” (Travers).
Pattakos explains that there needs to be a shift from focusing on the pursuit of happiness to a pursuit of meaning. He suggests the first steps in reconnecting with the basics of life to find meaning whatever our personal circumstances:
● Others — finding ways to strengthen our connections and sense of belonging with others
● Purpose — discovering deeper insights so that we can “know ourselves” and engage with deeper purpose by using our unique talents to extend beyond ourselves to help others
● Attitude — choosing our attitude toward what happens in our lives to build resilience and seek health and well-being in all situations we may face All three steps will help you on your path to finding deeper meaning in your life and work.
Thought/ Journal Topics:
Which apporach do you take in valuing happiness? Do you aspire to be happy or are you more concerned with where you’re at?
What is happiness?
What does being happy look like for you?
Does everyone experience happiness in the same way?
Is happiness the same as joy?
